5 Reasons Spiritual Women Struggle with Clinginess & How to Feel Secure in Love
When we fear abandonment, we think that if we don’t cling to them, we’ll lose them. It’s that gut-wrenching feeling that if we don’t constantly check in, seek reassurance, or make ourselves indispensable, they’ll realize they don’t need us and walk away. So, we hold on tighter. We overextend ourselves, suppress our own needs, and make their happiness our responsibility—all in the hope that if we do enough, they’ll stay. But in reality, this kind of grasping doesn’t create security—it creates anxiety. Instead of deepening the connection, it can push people away, leaving us feeling even more insecure and unworthy of love. The truth is, real love isn’t something we have to cling to; it’s something that flows naturally when we feel safe within ourselves.
Not only does living according to this fear of abandonment make us more clingy, we start to exhibit anxiety, insecurity, and emotional exhaustion—constantly overanalyzing their actions, fearing rejection, and feeling like we have to prove our worth just to keep them around. We find ourselves constantly overanalyzing their texts, their tone, their body language—searching for signs that they might be pulling away. Every unanswered message feels like a threat, every shift in energy sends us spiraling. We fear rejection so deeply that we start to shape-shift, doing whatever we think will make them stay, even if it means sacrificing our own needs. But the harder we cling, the more fragile the connection feels—like it could slip away at any moment. And that kind of emotional rollercoaster? It’s exhausting. It leaves us feeling drained, unworthy, and like love is something we have to earn rather than something we are naturally deserving of.
Unfortunately all this does is keep us stuck in a cycle where no amount of reassurance ever feels like enough." You tell yourself that if you just check in one more time, send the perfect message, or prove how much you care, they’ll finally see your worth and stay. So, you anxiously wait for their response, refreshing your phone over and over, feeling a pit in your stomach when the message stays unread. When they finally reply, you feel relief—momentarily. But then the worry creeps back in. What if they’re losing interest? What if I said something wrong? You start reading between the lines, overthinking every emoji, every delay in response, convincing yourself that something is off.
It’s true that struggling with clinginess in relationships can make you feel anxious, insecure, and constantly worried about whether the person you care about will leave. It can feel like no matter how much love you give, it’s never quite enough to make you feel safe.
However, if we can learn what’s really driving our fear of abandonment and the patterns that keep us clinging, we can start to build a sense of security within ourselves and create relationships that feel stable and fulfilling.
When we shift from seeking validation outside of ourselves to cultivating self-trust, set boundaries that honor our needs, and learn to navigate our emotions without overwhelm, it is entirely possible to feel confident and at ease in love—without the fear of losing someone dictating our every move.
Keep reading for 5 key insights so you can start feeling secure in your relationships today.
HOW CLINGINESS AND FEAR OF ABANDONMENT CREATE A SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY IN LOVE
Living this way is extremely exhausting because you feel like you’re constantly chasing love instead of naturally receiving it. It’s like you’re always one step behind, trying to prove your worth, overanalyzing every interaction, and adjusting yourself just to keep someone interested. Instead of feeling safe in your connection, you feel on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop. And because you’re so afraid of being abandoned, you hold on even tighter—texting first, checking in too much, and prioritizing their needs over your own. But the more you chase, the less secure you feel. It’s a never-ending cycle that drains your energy, chips away at your confidence, and reinforces the fear that love is something you have to earn, rather than something you deserve just by being you.
HOW LETTING GO OF CLINGINESS HELPS YOU ATTRACT SECURE, FULFILLING LOVE
You have the ability to let go of clinginess and attract secure, fulfilling love—love that feels natural, stable, and reciprocated. When you shift from seeking validation outside of yourself to building security within, everything changes. You no longer feel the need to chase or overextend just to keep someone close, because you trust that the right person will meet you with the same energy. Instead of feeling anxious and waiting for reassurance, you feel grounded in your worth, knowing that love isn’t something you have to cling to—it’s something that flows effortlessly when both people feel safe and valued. The moment you release the fear that love will leave, you make space for the kind of connection that stays—not because you forced it, but because it was aligned all along.
5 KEY SHIFTS TO OVERCOME CLINGINESS AND FEEL SECURE IN LOVE
Yes, it’s true—you may be feeling anxious, lonely, and stuck in the exhausting cycle of chasing love. Maybe you’re constantly overanalyzing text messages, replaying past relationships in your mind, or worrying that you’ll never find someone who truly chooses you. The fear of abandonment might have you clinging tightly to potential partners, situationships, or even the idea of love—believing that if you don’t, it will slip away. You might find yourself lowering your standards, overgiving, or staying emotionally attached to people who don’t meet you halfway, just to avoid feeling alone. But the harder you hold on, the more love feels like something just out of reach, like something you have to chase rather than something that naturally flows toward you.
The good news is that it doesn’t have to stay this way. When you let go of clinginess and start building security within yourself, everything shifts. Instead of searching for someone to complete you, you start feeling whole on your own. Instead of anxiously waiting for love, you attract it effortlessly—connections that feel stable, reciprocal, and deeply fulfilling. The kind of love you desire doesn’t come from holding on tighter—it comes from learning to trust yourself, your worth, and the divine timing of your journey. And these five key shifts will help you get there.
Take a look at these 5 key shifts to see how you can overcome clinginess and feel secure in love.
Fear of Abandonment
One of the reasons you struggle with fear of abandonment is because past experiences have taught you that love is uncertain, inconsistent, or something you have to earn. This is especially true if you grew up with caregivers who were unpredictable in how they showed love and connection—sometimes present, sometimes distant, leaving you unsure of where you stood. When love feels unstable early on, it’s natural to develop a deep fear of losing it, causing you to cling to relationships in an attempt to create the security you never had. But instead of bringing you closer to love, this fear often keeps you stuck in anxious patterns, constantly searching for reassurance and struggling to fully trust that love can stay.
The solution: Shift from Scarcity to Abundance in Love
When you do this, you stop operating from the fear that love is something rare, fragile, or at risk of disappearing. Instead of clinging to connections out of desperation, you begin to trust that love is abundant and always flowing toward you. You no longer feel the need to chase, overextend, or settle for breadcrumbs just to keep someone around. Instead, you step into the belief that the right love will meet you where you are—not because you begged for it, but because you deserve it. This shift allows you to relax in relationships, knowing that your worth isn’t dependent on one person staying. And when you embody that kind of confidence? You naturally attract partners who are just as secure, available, and ready to love you in the way you’ve always deserved.
Lack of Emotional Security Within Yourself
It makes complete sense that you're feeling anxious about love and relationships when you don’t feel emotionally secure within yourself. When your sense of safety depends on someone else’s presence, attention, or reassurance, it’s easy to feel unsettled the moment there’s distance—whether that’s a delayed text, a shift in their energy, or simply time apart. Instead of trusting that love is stable, your mind starts racing with worst-case scenarios, making you feel on edge and reactive. You might find yourself needing constant validation, overthinking their words, or even adjusting your behavior to keep them interested.
The solution: Strengthen Your Self-Trust
Try making a habit of checking in with yourself first instead of looking for another person's reassurance. When anxiety creeps in and you feel the urge to reach out for validation, pause and ask yourself, "What am I actually feeling right now? What do I need in this moment?" This small but powerful shift helps you build confidence in your ability to meet your own emotional needs. Instead of relying on someone else to make you feel secure, you start learning to comfort yourself, regulate your emotions, and trust that you are safe—whether or not someone is immediately available to reassure you. Over time, this practice rewires your mind to look inward first, teaching you that your sense of stability isn’t dependent on someone else’s presence, words, or actions. The more you strengthen this self-trust, the more love begins to feel like a natural extension of your own security, rather than something you constantly have to seek out or hold onto for dear life.
Overgiving and People Pleasing in Love
One of the reasons you struggle with overgiving and pleasing people in love is because you have learned from past experiences that if you do more, they’ll stay. Maybe in the past, love felt conditional—something you had to earn rather than something freely given. So, you pour everything into your relationships, making yourself indispensable, constantly anticipating their needs, and putting yourself last, all in the hope that your effort will guarantee security. But instead of feeling valued and loved in return, you end up feeling drained, unseen, and taken for granted. The problem isn’t that you care too much—it’s that you’ve been taught that love is about proving your worth rather than receiving it as you are. And the longer this pattern continues, the more it convinces you that you have to keep doing it to be worthy of love.
The solution: Practice Receiving Without Guilt
When you join InnerGlow Growth, you’ll learn how to stop overextending yourself in love and start feeling comfortable with receiving. If you’ve spent your whole life believing that love is something you have to earn, then slowing down and allowing yourself to simply receive might feel uncomfortable at first. But here’s the truth—healthy love is reciprocal. You shouldn’t have to prove your worth through constant effort, self-sacrifice, or always being the one who gives more. In InnerGlow Growth, you’ll learn how to shift from people-pleasing to letting love in without guilt, fear, or the urge to overcompensate. When you finally allow yourself to receive, you’ll realize that love feels so much better when it’s freely given—not something you have to chase or work overtime to keep.
Attachment to Potential, Not Reality
It makes complete sense that you're feeling deep disappointment because you ignored the red flags of the person you thought was for you. It's heartbreaking when you finally wake up and realize that what you saw in this person was nothing more than an illusion—a fraud of the potential you desperately wanted to believe in. In chasing an idealized version of who they might be, you invested your hopes in a future that never truly existed, overlooking the subtle signs that something was off. That disillusionment can sting, leaving you to question not only the relationship but also your own judgment.
The solution: Stop Ignoring What You See the First Time Around
When you do this you will have much better results in your love life. Instead of dismissing those early red flags or subtle signals, start listening and honoring what comes up. It might feel lonely at first, as you adjust to making choices based on what you truly perceive rather than what you hope to see. But as you begin to trust those intuitive nudges, you'll notice that your love life transforms for the better. You’ll start attracting relationships that are more genuine, respectful, and aligned with your true self. In the long run, by embracing your inner wisdom and acting on it, you pave the way for a love that not only lasts but truly nurtures you from the inside out.
Uncertainty About Divine Timing & Trusting the Universe
One of the reasons you struggle with trusting what the universe has in store for you is because past relationships haven’t worked out as you hoped, leaving a stain on your ability to trust the process. Those experiences—filled with heartbreak, unmet expectations, and disappointment—can make it feel as though love is always just out of reach, or that timing is forever against you. It's completely understandable to feel guarded after enduring pain that seems to validate your doubts. You may find yourself overanalyzing every sign or desperately trying to control outcomes, worried that if you simply let go, you’ll be hurt all over again.
The solution: See Each Experience As a Part of Your Unique Journey
Try shifting your perspective of these experiences from being all bad to viewing them as essential stepping stones that prepare you for the love relationship you truly deserve. Instead of seeing every painful moment as a setback, remember that your soul chose these experiences to help shape you into the empowered, authentic version of yourself that is ready for deep, fulfilling love. I know it’s a hard concept to grasp when life feels like it's constantly challenging you, but when you begin to see these moments as part of your personal evolution on Earth, you'll find it much easier to let go of the old beliefs and programs holding you back. Embracing this mindset opens up space for a love that reflects your true worth—one that flows naturally into your life because you’ve learned, through each experience, exactly what you need to become.
Achieving a sense of security in love can be incredibly empowering.
You absolutely can feel secure in love, letting go of fear and clinging, and stepping confidently into a space where you know your worth.
And InnerGlow Growth can help you every step of the way, providing the guidance and support you need to cultivate that inner safety and self-trust, so you can create the loving, secure connection you truly deserve.
If you're ready to break free from clinginess and step into secure, fulfilling love, join the waitlist today to create the love life you truly deserve.