5 KEY INSIGHTS FOR SPIRITUAL WOMEN TO BREAK FREE FROM PEOPLE-PLEASING AND FIND EMPOWERED LOVE
We often mistake people-pleasing for love, but it’s not—it’s fear wrapped in the illusion of kindness. For generations, women have been conditioned by society, religion, and even our families to believe that our worth is tied to how much we give. We’ve been taught that being selfless is a virtue, that love must be earned through sacrifice, and that prioritizing our own needs is selfish. Along the way, we learned to equate love with overgiving, believing that if we don’t constantly please our partner, we’ll be rejected or abandoned. We tell ourselves that people-pleasing will make them love us more, but instead, it often leaves us feeling unseen, unappreciated, and disconnected from our own desires. This pattern of giving and giving without receiving only perpetuates the fear that we aren’t enough unless we’re doing more for others.
Unfortunately, when we live our lives based on this belief, it impacts us in numerous ways, often leaving us disconnected from our true selves and trapped in unfulfilling patterns. One of the most significant ways is through a loss of identity. When we engage in people-pleasing in relationships, we begin to overly identify with our partner’s needs and wants, often at the expense of our own. Over time, our desires and boundaries fade into the background, leaving us feeling invisible in our own lives. This imbalance not only creates resentment but also makes us forget who we were before the relationship began. The things that once brought us joy, the goals we dreamed of pursuing, and even the simple preferences that make us unique are replaced by an endless focus on maintaining harmony. In trying to be everything for someone else, we lose the opportunity to truly be ourselves.
The downsides to this include feelings of resentment, emotional exhaustion, and imbalanced relationships where your needs are constantly overlooked. When you start to realize what is happening, you may feel resentful and taken advantage of, questioning why the person around you doesn't seem to reciprocate your efforts. This resentment can quickly turn inward, leaving you upset with yourself for allowing the people pleasing to continue for so long. You might replay scenarios in your mind, wondering why you didn’t speak up or set boundaries sooner. The emotional exhaustion sets in as you constantly give more than you receive, leaving you drained and frustrated, yet unsure how to break free from the cycle. Over time, these imbalanced dynamics can erode your self-esteem, making it even harder to advocate for your needs and creating a sense of hopelessness about your love life.
Perhaps for you, it plays out in your life like this: You’re scrolling through a dating app and match with someone who seems charming at first. After a few messages, you agree to meet up, even though there are small red flags you’ve noticed—maybe he curses a lot and makes a few offhand comments about women that don’t sit right with you. On the first date, he talks negatively about his ex and steers the conversation toward sex in a way that feels uncomfortable. Deep down, you know this isn’t the connection you’re looking for, but instead of walking away, you convince yourself to give him another chance. You tell yourself you’re being too picky or that you don’t want to hurt his feelings. So, you smile, nod, and agree to a second date, even though something inside you feels off. The cycle continues as you prioritize his comfort over your own, ignoring your intuition and silencing your needs in the process.
At the time, it might have felt like you were getting some attention, which felt good—especially if it had been a while since someone showed interest in you. His compliments, even if surface-level, gave you a temporary boost of confidence, and it felt exciting to have someone actively pursuing you. Maybe he made you laugh, or you appreciated how upfront and bold he was about his attraction to you. But at the same time, deep down, you knew this wasn’t the kind of attention you truly craved. It was fleeting and shallow—'bottom of the barrel' attention that didn’t honor the deeper connection or respect you deserve. In those moments, you might have settled for the scraps of his interest because they felt better than being alone, even though they left you feeling unfulfilled in the end.
Eventually you wind up in a place where the disrespect gets worse and can’t be ignored anymore. You might find yourself constantly questioning how things got so bad or wondering why you feel so unseen and unappreciated. It’s a point many of us reach—the moment when the red flags you brushed off at the beginning have become glaring signs of imbalance and unmet needs.
But the truth is, lots of women struggle to stop people-pleasing and stand up for themselves. It’s not because they don’t want to—it’s because they’ve been taught for so long that their value comes from being agreeable, selfless, and accommodating. Breaking out of these patterns can feel terrifying, especially when the fear of rejection or conflict looms large. You might worry about being seen as ‘difficult’ or fear losing the relationship entirely. This is such a common experience, and it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It just means you’re human, navigating the same deeply ingrained beliefs that so many women face. The important thing to remember is that change is possible, and taking even the smallest step toward setting boundaries is a powerful act of self-love.
It’s true that it can be hard to know when you're people pleasing in love. However, if we can learn these 5 key insights we can break free from people pleasing in relationships. When we make these changes it is entirely possible to attract the love that honors our true selves.
Keep reading for 5 key insights so you can start breaking free from people pleasing today.
THE HIDDEN COSTS OF PEOPLE-PLEASING: WHAT LIFE LOOKS LIKE WITHOUT BREAKING FREE
The biggest downside of not breaking free from people-pleasing is the deep sense of resentment and feeling used when you realize you’re not getting back what you’ve poured into the relationship. Over time, this can leave you emotionally drained, questioning why your efforts aren’t being reciprocated. The hidden cost is even greater than that—it’s the slow erosion of your self-worth. You start to believe that your value is tied to how much you can give, rather than who you truly are. This can lead to settling for less in love, staying in relationships that don’t honor you, and losing touch with your own needs and desires. The longer this pattern continues, the harder it can be to reclaim your sense of self, leaving you feeling stuck in a cycle that’s both exhausting and unfulfilling.
BREAKING FREE FROM PEOPLE-PLEASING: HOW LIFE TRANSFORMS WHEN YOU RECLAIM YOUR POWER
Although you struggle with resentment and feeling used in relationships, you have the potential to heal past wounds, reconnect with your inner worth, and create the kind of love that honors your true self. It starts by recognizing the beliefs that have kept you stuck—those old stories telling you that you have to sacrifice your needs or settle for less. As you gently release those patterns, you begin to see how powerful you truly are. Prioritizing your desires and listening to your intuition doesn’t make you ‘selfish’; it paves the way for deeper, more fulfilling connections grounded in mutual respect and compassion. This is about reclaiming your power, not changing who you are. In fact, it’s a return to your authentic self—a woman deserving of love that nourishes her spirit and aligns with her highest good.
5 KEY INSIGHTS TO BREAK FREE FROM PEOPLE-PLEASING AND FIND EMPOWERED LOVE
The key to achieving empowered love is to stay true to your wants and needs. But first you have to go deep within to understand what those wants and needs are. When you honor your own desires and boundaries, you naturally attract the kind of relationships that respect who you are at your core. It’s not about being selfish or unyielding—it’s about recognizing that your voice matters, too. By prioritizing self-awareness and open communication, you create a solid foundation for authentic connection and deeper intimacy.
Take a look at these 5 key insights to see how you can achieve love that pours back into you:
Fear of Rejection or Abandonment:
One of the reasons you struggle with fear of rejection or abandonment is because you feel like you’re losing something and won’t be able to replace it. It's easy to get stuck in a scarcity mindset—believing the love, attention, or security you’re experiencing with one person might be the only chance you have. This belief can push you to cling to unhealthy dynamics, ignore red flags, or compromise your own needs to avoid being left. In reality, true love is never about grasping; it’s about trusting that you are inherently worthy of a connection that honors you.
The solution: Learn to Understand that Rejection Is Protection
Try to reframe your thought process to understand that losing out on a connection, may be the best thing that has ever happened to you. It might hurt at the moment, but once you learn to be comfortable with your own company, the Universe will reveal to you why that connection wasn’t meant to be in your life. By nurturing a strong sense of self-worth, you’ll be able to see how losing a relationship that wasn’t aligned with your spirit ultimately frees you to welcome the right kind of love. Trust that, in time, the reasons for certain endings will become clear—and you’ll be thankful you didn’t settle for anything less than what honors your true self.
Struggling to Set Boundaries:
It makes complete sense that you're feeling guilty about setting boundaries in your relationships. Especially if the person on the other end makes you feel like you’re being selfish for doing so. We’ve been taught that being a ‘good’ woman means bending over backward for others and never rocking the boat. So naturally, it feels uncomfortable when you start asserting your own needs and desires.
The solution: Reframe Boundaries as a Form of Self Care
Together, with my clients I work with them to shift their mindset so they can see boundaries not as acts of selfishness, but rather as essential tools for protecting their emotional well-being. It’s about recognizing that when you say ‘no’ or voice what you need, you’re choosing self-respect over self-sacrifice. We explore the root causes of why guilt or shame might come up, and then work on replacing those feelings with compassion and confidence. By reframing boundaries in this way, you’ll discover that the people who truly value you will respect your limits, and that healthy connections become possible once you stop overextending yourself.
Overthinking and Anxiety:
One of the reasons you struggle with overthinking and anxiety is because you fear any misstep might confirm your worst worries—that you’re not enough or that you’ll be rejected. Instead of trusting your intuition, you find yourself second-guessing every thought or decision, constantly searching for possible mistakes or negative judgments from others. This cycle of overthinking can keep you in a perpetual state of worry, drowning out the wisdom of your own heart and preventing you from experiencing the deep, soul-aligned connections you truly desire. The more you rely on external validation to feel secure, the more anxious you become, further depleting your energy and sense of self-worth. You end up accommodating everyone else, hoping to avoid confrontation—yet all the while, you’re sacrificing the very authenticity that allows real love to flourish.
The solution: Ground Your Energy
Adding some type of mindfulness to your life will make it possible to feel grounded in your body and energy so that you can break free from people pleasing in love. Whether it’s a simple meditation practice, a few minutes of breathwork, or even a grounding walk in nature—you begin to anchor yourself in the present moment. This helps you tune in to your intuition and recognize when you’re giving too much of yourself in relationships. When your mind and body are centered, it becomes easier to differentiate your own needs from the desires of others. Over time, feeling grounded in your energy gives you the inner stability to set healthy boundaries, speak your truth, and cultivate the kind of love that honors who you truly are.
Low Self-Worth:
It makes complete sense that you're feeling insecure about breaking free from people pleasing. It can be hard to make changes in how you show up in your love life when your relationships define who you are. It’s especially difficult when your relationships have become the main source of your identity—you might wonder who you are without constantly accommodating everyone else.
The solution: Celebrate Yourself
Try focusing on your wins instead, no matter how small they might seem. Maybe it’s the courage to say “no” for the first time or simply taking time for yourself without feeling guilty. These are victories worth celebrating because they’re proof that you’re growing. When you shift your attention to your own achievements, you’re sending a powerful message to yourself: “I am more than my relationships.” Relationships don’t define you—they’re a part of your life, not the entirety of who you are. The more you acknowledge and honor your own efforts, the more you’ll feel confident in your own value, independent of anyone else’s validation. This practice allows you to create a foundation of self-worth that isn’t tied to pleasing others but instead rooted in your own sense of self.
Emotional Burnout:
One of the reasons you struggle with emotional burnout is because you’ve given so much and have not nourished yourself. It’s exhausting to constantly be the one who gives, compromises, and bends, while getting little to nothing in return. Over time, this creates a deep sense of depletion—like you’re running on empty but still expected to keep going. When you’re stuck in this cycle, it can feel like there’s no space for your own needs or desires, and you may even start to question whether you’re worthy of the same care you so freely give to others. This level of emotional exhaustion doesn’t just affect your relationships; it spills over into every area of your life, making it hard to find joy, energy, or clarity in the things you once loved.
The solution: Prioritize Rest and Self Nourishment
Together, with my clients I help them learn to prioritize rest and self-nourishment. It may feel unfamiliar or even indulgent at first, but taking time to replenish your energy is essential for breaking the cycle of emotional burnout. We explore simple yet powerful ways to incorporate rest into daily life—like carving out a few minutes each morning for silence, journaling, or a soothing mindfulness practice that reminds you your well-being truly matters. By actively choosing to nourish yourself—whether that’s a nourishing meal, a gentle movement routine, or a full night’s sleep without guilt—you’re telling your mind, body, and spirit that you deserve the same care you’ve been giving everyone else. This shift not only replenishes your energy but also restores your sense of self, making it easier to show up in love from a place of wholeness instead of exhaustion.
Achieving empowered love can be incredibly liberating.
You absolutely can break free from people-pleasing and discover a love that genuinely honors who you are.
And my membership site can help you get there, offering the support and tools you need every step of the way.
If you’re ready to break free from people-pleasing and step into empowered love, click the button below to join the waitlist for my exclusive membership today!