WHY “JUST BE CHILL” IS THE WORST DATING ADVICE FOR SPIRITUAL WOMEN
Shrinking yourself to make someone stay is the fastest way to lose yourself in the process. When you dim your light, suppress your needs, or try to be the “chill girl” just to keep a relationship, you’re not showing up as your true self—you’re presenting a carefully curated version of you. The problem with that is the person you’re with falls for the representative, not the real you. And by the time you realize it, you feel trapped—unable to express your true feelings because you fear rocking the boat or losing the connection altogether.
The downsides to this include feeling invisible, emotionally disconnected, and constantly anxious about being "too much." You start to go crazy trying to keep up with an image that is not you—walking on eggshells, second-guessing every word, and molding yourself into whatever you think will make them stay. But deep down, you know the truth: if you have to perform to be loved, then it’s not real. The more you hide your true self, the more you lose touch with what you actually want in a relationship. And the worst part? You attract people who prefer the version of you that doesn’t rock the boat—leaving you feeling unseen, unfulfilled, and emotionally drained.
Not only does shrinking ourselves affect us in detrimental ways, we start to exhibit self-doubt, resentment, and emotional exhaustion—constantly questioning if we’re too much or not enough. We become anxious about speaking our truth, afraid that being fully seen will push the other person away. Over time, this leads to disconnecting from our own needs, feeling unworthy of real love, and settling for relationships that drain us instead of fulfilling us.
At the time, it might have felt like you had to be his peace—to go with the flow, not ask for too much, and definitely not rock the boat. Every time something bothered you, you swallowed it down, convincing yourself it wasn’t that big of a deal. You told yourself he was just busy when he didn’t text back, just stressed when he pulled away, just not great at emotions when he ignored your needs.
So, you adjusted. You became more understanding, more patient, more accommodating—until one day, you didn’t even recognize yourself anymore. You weren’t just keeping the peace—you were silencing yourself entirely. And deep down, that silence started to feel suffocating.
Then came the breaking point. The moment where you couldn’t pretend anymore. Maybe it was a forgotten promise, another half-hearted excuse, or yet another night of feeling invisible next to him. Whatever it was, it cracked something open. Suddenly, all those feelings you’d been suppressing—the frustration, the loneliness, the exhaustion of constantly over-giving—came rushing out at once. You snapped. You finally said everything you had been holding in, but instead of listening, he shut down. He couldn’t handle the version of you that had needs.
And just like that, the relationship unraveled. Not because you were too much, but because he only ever wanted the version of you that didn’t require anything real from him.
It hurt. But in that pain, something else became clear—you were never supposed to be in a relationship where you had to shrink yourself just to be loved. Real love doesn’t require you to abandon yourself. Real love sees you, hears you, and meets you where you are.
But the truth is lots of women struggle to be themselves around their love interest, especially in the beginning. It’s not that you’re trying to be fake—you just want to make a good impression. You want to be easygoing, low-maintenance, the kind of woman who doesn’t ask for too much. And maybe, at first, it even feels like it’s working. He seems into you, things feel light and exciting, and you tell yourself that once the relationship deepens, you’ll feel safer asking for what you actually need. But instead, you get stuck—filtering your thoughts, downplaying your feelings, and avoiding anything that might push him away. Before you know it, you’re performing instead of being. And the scariest part is the longer you play this role, the harder it becomes to break free from it.
It’s true that good dating advice for spiritual women can be hard to come by these days. However, if we can learn to be ourselves in dating we can attract the right love. When we let go of the “chill girl” act it is entirely possible to experience relationships where we are deeply seen, valued, and loved without having to perform for it.
Keep reading for 5 powerful shifts so you can start showing up as your true self and attracting the love you actually deserve—starting today.
THE PRICE OF BEING "CHILL": WHY SPIRITUAL WOMEN STRUGGLE IN LOVE
At the very least, you find yourself suppressing your needs and telling yourself that you’re okay “with going with the flow.” This leaves you feeling a bit uncentered and unsure of yourself every step of the way in dating. But over time, it gets worse. You start prioritizing what he wants over what you actually desire, second-guessing your feelings, and convincing yourself that your standards are too much. You become so focused on keeping the connection alive that you forget to ask: Is this connection actually right for me?
And then, one day, you realize you’ve built a relationship on half-truths—on silences where you should have spoken up and on pretending to be okay when you weren’t. By the time you’re ready to express what you truly need, it feels impossible. He’s fallen for the version of you that never asks for more, and the moment you do, he pulls away. You’re left feeling unseen, unfulfilled, and emotionally drained, wondering why love always feels like a one-sided effort.
HOW SPIRITUAL WOMEN ATTRACT ALIGNED LOVE BY BEING THEIR TRUE SELVES
When we choose to be our true selves, there is a possibility for attracting relationships that feel safe, fulfilling, and emotionally balanced. You no longer feel like you have to perform or play it cool just to keep someone interested. Instead, you show up as you—fully, unapologetically, and confidently. The best part is the right person will meet you there, appreciating you for who you are, not who you pretend to be.
Dating becomes less about chasing and more about choosing. You stop overanalyzing every text, second-guessing your worth, or walking on eggshells just to avoid “scaring him away.” You communicate openly, set boundaries without guilt, and trust that real love won’t require you to shrink.
And because you’re no longer settling for half-hearted connections, you attract partners who are emotionally available, invested, and willing to meet you halfway. Love stops feeling like a game of proving yourself and starts feeling like a place where you can finally exhale.
5 POWERFUL SHIFTS TO ATTRACT EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE LOVE AS A SPIRITUAL WOMAN
Making these changes is not as difficult as you think because the hardest part isn’t actually being yourself—it’s unlearning the fear that tells you you can’t. Before, dating felt like walking on eggshells, constantly filtering your words, overanalyzing every interaction, and wondering if you were too much or not enough. You kept the peace at the expense of your own needs, leaving you anxious, drained, and unfulfilled.
But once you start showing up as your true self, everything shifts. You feel confident expressing what you want without fear of pushing someone away. You stop settling for bare-minimum effort and start attracting partners who genuinely appreciate, respect, and cherish you. Love no longer feels like a test—you can finally relax, knowing that the right relationship will meet you exactly as you are.
Take a look at these 5 powerful shifts to see how you can achieve aligned love.
Suppressing Your Needs Leads to Anxiety & Resentment
It makes complete sense that you're feeling anxiety and resentment when you hold yourself back from getting your needs met. You tell yourself, “It’s fine, I don’t need that much,” but deep down, every time you suppress your feelings, it builds. The resentment creeps in—not just toward your partner, but toward yourself for not speaking up. The longer you do this, the more exhausted and unfulfilled you feel.
The solution: Put your needs first
In InnerGlow Growth, we help you learn how to be comfortable with putting your needs first and stop playing small in relationships. You’ll learn how to express your desires clearly and confidently, so you can stand in your worth and attract partners who actually want to meet your needs.
Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Partners
One of the reasons you struggle with attracting unavailable partners is because you prioritize being “easy going” with them. You think, “If I don’t pressure them, they’ll choose me.” But here’s the truth: Emotionally unavailable people love partners who ask for nothing—they get to take what they want, on their terms, without ever stepping up. And so the cycle continues—you keep accommodating, they keep breadcrumbing, and you keep wondering why love feels so one-sided.
The solution: Don’t be their peace
Love isn’t supposed to feel like a chronic waiting game. The moment you stop making it easy for them and start standing firm in what you expect, you’ll see a shift. Some will step up. Others will fall away. Either way, you win—because you’re no longer entertaining people who can’t meet you at your level.
Feeling Like You Have to ‘Earn’ Love
It makes complete sense that you're feeling sad about your love life. You feel like you have to work so hard for connection—overgiving, over-accommodating, and accepting less than you deserve just to keep the spark alive. You tell yourself, “If I just show how much I care, they’ll finally see my worth.” But real love isn’t a test. It doesn’t require proving—it requires receiving.
The solution: Start doing less now
Try doing the opposite of what you’ve been doing. Do less. If you’re not sure where to start, think about the little ways you’ve been overextending—those things you do not because you want to, but because you think it will keep them happy. Stop that thing today. Watch what happens when you pull back. The right person will meet your energy instead of expecting you to carry the entire connection.
Losing Yourself in the Process
It makes complete sense that you're feeling disconnected from yourself. You’ve spent so much time being the perfect partner—being agreeable, easygoing, understanding—that you’ve forgotten what you actually want. When was the last time you did something just for you—without considering how it might affect a relationship? The more you sacrifice your own joy to make someone else comfortable, the more invisible you become.
The solution: Keep doing what you love
In InnerGlow Growth, we make self-love the priority. You’ll learn how to reclaim your identity outside of relationships, pour into yourself, and shift the focus back to what makes you happy. Because when you stop bending for love, you start attracting it effortlessly.
The Relationship Falls Apart When You Finally Speak Up
One of the reasons you feel so emotionally stuffed up—like you’re carrying a weight you can’t put down—is because you keep silencing yourself. You swallow your feelings, ignore your needs, and tell yourself it’s “not worth” bringing up. But the body remembers. That emotional congestion turns into stress, tension, and a deep feeling of being stuck. Until one day—it all comes spilling out. You explode with everything you’ve been holding back, and suddenly, the relationship crumbles. Not because you were too much, but because the other person was only comfortable with you being small.
The solution: Speak up
Speaking up can feel terrifying at first, but the more you do it, the more powerful you become. And here’s the truth: If someone only liked you when you kept yourself quiet, they never truly liked you. In InnerGlow Growth, we help you develop the confidence to communicate your needs unapologetically, so you never feel like you have to hide yourself just to keep love.
Achieving deep self-trust and attracting the love you truly deserve can be liberating and life-changing.
You absolutely can have relationships where you don’t have to shrink yourself, where your needs are met without guilt, and where love feels safe, fulfilling, and emotionally balanced.
And InnerGlow Growth can help you get there. Inside our community, you’ll learn how to stop people-pleasing, reclaim your power in love, and attract relationships that align with your highest self—without overgiving, overcompromising, or losing yourself in the process.
Stop shrinking yourself in love—step into your power now. Join Attract the Right Love: A 3-Day Challenge and break free from people-pleasing and unfulfilling relationships for good. Spots are limited—sign up now to claim yours!