Unmasking Desire: Are You a People Pleaser in Love?

Catching people-pleasing behavior requires a fundamental shift in how you think about your own needs and values. Often, people-pleasing is motivated by a desire to be accepted by others, gain approval, or avoid conflict. It's so ingrained that putting others ahead of yourself feels natural.

So many of us have been there—constantly trying to be accepted, get approval, or avoid conflict. It’s easy to fall into the habit of going out of our way to keep the peace or feel valued, especially when we're naturally empathetic and tuned in spiritually. But the thing is, when we let these outside pressures guide us, we end up losing touch with what we truly want and what makes us happy. I get it, breaking that cycle isn’t easy, but once we start living for ourselves and putting our needs first, everything shifts.

The downsides of people-pleasing in your love life are all too real, and I know so many of us have felt it. When you're always trying to make your partner happy, putting their needs first, or avoiding conflict just to keep things smooth, it might seem like you're being caring and selfless. But over time, it can leave you feeling exhausted, resentful, and totally disconnected from yourself. You start losing your voice and what you need in the relationship. The balance gets off, and before you know it, you're giving so much without getting the same in return. We’ve all been there, but the good news is, you can break free from that cycle and create a love that honors both your partner and you.

Maybe for you, it looks something like this: You’re in a relationship, and at first, everything feels great. You’re giving, nurturing, and doing your best to keep your partner happy, thinking that’s what love is all about. But over time, you start to notice you’re the one always bending, making sacrifices, or saying yes when deep down you really want to say no. You might be avoiding hard conversations just to keep the peace. Slowly, you begin to feel tired and a little lost, wondering where your own needs fit in. You’re definitely not alone—so many of us, especially as spiritual women, believe that being “good” or “loving” means giving endlessly. But that’s not what real love looks like. True love honors both people equally.

I know for me, as a spiritual healer, I’ve always believed in love, kindness, and helping others. In my past relationship, I felt like it was my responsibility to support my partner through all his ups and downs. Whenever he was stressed or upset, I’d drop everything to be there for him—giving emotional support, advice, and even putting my own needs aside just to make sure he was okay.

Over time, I started to realize I was the one always giving. I was paying most of the bills and always putting his feelings ahead of mine. When I had my own struggles or needs, he would brush them off and make me feel like I was a burden. Sometimes I’d push back, but other times I just let it go because I didn’t want to start a fight. I even convinced myself that this was what love was supposed to be—being selfless and keeping the peace.

After a while, I started feeling totally drained, anxious, and disconnected from myself. It wasn’t until a big argument that I finally saw it clearly: I’d been people pleasing the whole time. My need to keep things smooth and be the “perfect” partner had left me feeling exhausted and unfulfilled. By the time I realized this, the relationship was off-balance, and I felt resentful and misunderstood. I knew then that I had to stop giving so much without getting the same energy back. This wake-up call made me see that to really thrive—both in my love life and on my spiritual path—I needed to put my own needs first and set healthy boundaries.

Just like me, you might eventually have that moment where it hits you hard: you’ve been people pleasing in your love life. It sneaks up on you when you’re always putting your partner’s needs first, trying to keep the peace, or avoiding conflict just to make sure everyone is happy. Before long, you start feeling totally worn out, disconnected, and maybe even a little resentful. That’s when you realize you’ve been bending over backward, trying to be the “perfect” partner while ignoring your own needs. It’s a tough realization, but it’s a big step towards finding your balance and loving in a way that truly respects both you and your partner.

It’s totally true that not spotting people pleasing in your love life can make you lose touch with what you really want and what makes you happy. But if you can recognize those signs, you can start living a life that genuinely reflects who you are and what you deserve. Once you see how powerful it is to break free from people pleasing habits, you’ll find it’s totally possible to live a life that truly honors your real self and what you’re meant to have.

Get 10 things you need to know about being a people pleaser in love so you can start living a life that truly reflects who you are.

The Hidden Cost of Ignoring People Pleasing in Your Love Life

The biggest downside of not spotting people pleasing in your love life as a spiritual woman is ending up stuck in a cycle of self-neglect and frustration. When you’re always putting your partner’s needs first and avoiding conflict, it can leave you feeling drained and disconnected from what you truly want and value. This can lead to emotional burnout, especially when you’re giving so much but not getting the same support or appreciation back. Over time, this imbalance can create resentment and a real sense of unfulfillment, making it tough to stay connected with your true self and your spiritual path. If you don’t catch these signs, you might lose touch with what genuinely makes you happy and keeps you aligned with your higher purpose.

Embracing Self-Awareness: What Life Looks Like When You Recognize and Overcome People Pleasing in Love

Even if you’re stuck in a cycle of self-neglect and frustration, you have the potential to turn things around by putting your own needs first. Spotting the signs of people pleasing in your love life can be a total game-changer. When you start recognizing these patterns, you’ll see that prioritizing yourself can lead to a more balanced and fulfilling relationship. It helps you set healthier boundaries, communicate more openly, and build relationships where your needs are actually respected. This new awareness lets you reclaim your personal power and reconnect with what you truly want and value. As a result, you’ll feel less burned out, gain more self-respect, and develop a deeper, more authentic connection with yourself and your partner. It’s a huge step toward a love life that aligns with your higher purpose and supports your spiritual growth.

10 Tips to Start Living a Love Life That Really Shows Who You Are and What You Deserve

Yes, it's true you may be feeling unappreciated and frustrated because you’re constantly putting your partner’s needs first. And it’s leaving you feeling drained, disconnected, and emotionally burned out. This imbalance is leading to resentment and a sense of unfulfillment, making it hard to stay connected with your true self and your spiritual path. Without recognizing these signs, you risk losing touch with what truly makes you happy and aligned with your higher purpose.

But by putting your own needs first and spotting the signs of people pleasing, you can transform your love life. Recognizing these patterns helps you set better boundaries, communicate openly, and build relationships where your needs are respected. This shift lets you reclaim your power, reconnect with your true values, and feel less burned out. It’s a major step toward a more fulfilling love life that aligns with your higher purpose and supports your spiritual growth.

Take a look at these 10 tips to see how you can start living a love life that really shows who you are and what you deserve.

Emotional Exhaustion

As you give and give without recharging your own energy, you suffer from emotional exhaustion because you prioritize your partner's needs over your own.

Make time for self-care and spiritual practices every day, whether it's meditation, journaling, or even just resting. This is a non-negotiable, since it recharges your energy.

Disconnection from Your Authentic Self

It makes sense why you may feel lost or disconnected from your true self because you are constantly sacrificing your values and desires to please your partner.

When you take the time to reflect by journaling, meditating, and spending time in nature, you'll get in touch with your true desires and values. Ask yourself, "What do I really want?" or "Who am I without other people's expectations?"

You’re Always Anxious and Overthinking

When you constantly overanalyze your partner's needs and emotions, worrying about how to keep them happy, you end up exhausted and frustrated, which leads to constant stress.

Adding mindfulness to your life will help you focus on the present moment and reduce anxious thoughts. When anxiety or overthinking hits, focus on your breath or your surroundings. You'll ground yourself and interrupt your anxious thoughts with this practice.

You’re Out of Alignment Spiritually

It's totally understandable why you feel exhausted and frustrated, since people-pleasing tendencies can lead to spiritual dissonance, making you feel out of alignment.

As part of InnerGlow Growth, we reassess your core spiritual beliefs and values. My advice is to ask yourself, “What principles guide my spiritual journey?” Are my relationships aligned with these values?” Next, write down your spiritual priorities and how they manifest in different areas of your life. It'll show you where you've strayed from your authentic self.

You’re Feeling Undervalued or Unappreciated

When you constantly put others first, you might feel unnoticed or taken for granted, causing feelings of resentment and loneliness in the relationship.

As you evaluate the relationship's balance, if you notice patterns of emotional neglect or lack of appreciation despite your efforts to communicate, it might be time to reconsider its health. If you're having a hard time evaluating the balance of your relationship, think about whether you're mutually fulfilling or if the dynamic is out of balance. Think about whether your partner constantly takes without giving, and if they're willing to make adjustments.

You Have a Fear of Conflict

You're feeling frustrated because you're suppressing your own needs and desires, which leads to unresolved issues that grow into bigger problems.

Think about conflict differently. Rather than seeing it as something negative or harmful, see it as an opportunity for growth, deeper understanding, and stronger relationships. Any relationship needs healthy conflict, and when handled well, it can lead to positive results.

Maintaining honesty and mutual respect means addressing conflict rather than being unkind or hurting the other person.

You Have a Hard Time Trusting Your Intuition

You're stuck in a cycle of self-neglect and frustration because you don't trust your intuition or inner wisdom, focusing more on others' expectations than on your own.

Our InnerGlow Growth program encourages you to trust everyday intuition. If you have an "inner feeling" about something simple, like which route to take or what to eat, pay attention to it. Take action on those intuitive nudges without overanalyzing them.

Trusting your intuition on smaller things will make it easier to trust it on bigger things, like relationships.

You Have Unhealthy Relationship Patterns

You're probably frustrated because you always attract people who take advantage of your people-pleasing tendencies, creating an emotional dependency or imbalance in the relationship.

In my work with customers, we work on breaking the cycle of overgiving. This looks like me teaching you how to intentionally pull back. Let your partner contribute and take responsibility for their share of emotional support, decision-making, and effort.

Don't overcompensate with love, care, or attention to "fix" your partner. A healthy relationship is built on mutual effort and reciprocity.

It’s Hard For You To Ask For What You Need

You feel unfulfilled because your fear of rejection or disappointing your partner stops you from speaking up about your own emotional and spiritual needs, leaving you stuck in a cycle of self-neglect and frustration.

It's easier to build confidence and get comfortable asking for what you want if you start with small requests. Start by making small, low-stakes requests if asking for what you need feels overwhelming. You could ask your partner for a favor, like helping with a chore or listening for five minutes.

You Feel Guilt and Shame

You feel guilty for prioritizing yourself. You believe that self-care or asserting your boundaries makes you selfish, which can lead to self-blame.

Try setting small, guilt-free goals for yourself. Simply taking 10 minutes a day to meditate, do a hobby, or relax without interruptions could do the trick. Make self-care a priority and gradually increase your time.

Taking these small steps helps you build the habit of self-prioritization without triggering intense guilt.

As we come to the end of this exploration, recognizing yourself as a people pleaser in love can be both eye-opening and a bit overwhelming. As I explained earlier in this blog post, I've even faced the same challenges that brought me down to earth in an uncomfortable way.  InnerGlow Growth was born out of this! To help women like you and me break free from people-pleasing patterns and embrace our true selves. It's up to you to transform your relationships and reclaim your true self-embrace it, trust the journey, and watch as you attract what you want.

If you want more guidance, take my FREE Which People Pleaser Type Quiz today.