STOP SETTLING FOR LESS IN LOVE: FEARLESSLY CHOOSE YOURSELF FIRST

You don’t need to be chosen to be worthy of love. You need to choose yourself first. And that’s okay—there is nothing wrong with that. Yet, so many women have been conditioned to believe that love is something they have to wait for, prove themselves worthy of, or earn by being the "right" kind of partner. You’ve been taught that if you’re patient enough, understanding enough, or accommodating enough, someone will finally see your value. But here’s the truth: love isn’t a reward for shrinking yourself—it’s something you align with when you fully own your worth. Choosing yourself doesn’t mean you’re too picky, too guarded, or too much—it means you refuse to settle for less than you deserve.

Unfortunately, when we feel like we have to be chosen, sometimes we settle for bottom-of-the-barrel kind of love. You know the kind—the relationships where you’re constantly proving your worth, accepting breadcrumbs, and convincing yourself that one day they’ll see your value. You tell yourself to be patient, to be understanding, to not ask for too much. And before you know it, you’re giving your energy to someone who barely shows up for you.

I get it. It’s easy to fall into this trap when you’ve been told that love is something you earn by being good enough, chill enough, or low-maintenance enough. But let’s be real—how has that been working out? If you keep settling, it’s not because you’re not worthy of more—it’s because you haven’t fully realized that you get to choose, too.

Perhaps for you it plays out in your life like this…

You met him, and right away, there was something about him that pulled you in. Maybe it was the confidence, the way he carried himself, or the fact that he seemed to know exactly what he wanted in life—except, when it came to you, that part was always a little blurry. He kept things open-ended, never fully committing, but never fully letting you go either. And because he was older, more experienced, you told yourself, Maybe he just needs time. Maybe I need to prove that I’m worth it.

So, you settled for whatever scraps of attention he threw your way. A text here, a call there, just enough to make you feel seen but never enough to feel secure. And each time he showed up again, that rush of relief made you forget all the times he made you question where you stood.

But then, one day, something clicked. You realized you had been here before—different man, same cycle. You saw how this was never going to change unless you changed. He would keep pulling away and coming back as long as you let him. And suddenly, the exhaustion, the resentment, the constant hoping—it all felt heavier than the fear of letting him go.

So, you did the one thing you had been avoiding all along—you stopped waiting for him to choose you. You chose yourself instead. Instead of chasing his validation, you turned inward and poured all that energy into yourself. And that’s when it hit you—the love you wanted could never come from a man who only gave you just enough to stay. It had to start with you.

It’s okay to get lost in wanting to be loved. It happens to the best of us. You’re not wrong for craving connection, for wanting to feel chosen, or for hoping that this time things will be different. We’ve been taught that love is something to earn—that if we’re patient enough, understanding enough, or accommodating enough, someone will finally see our worth.

But here’s the truth: settling doesn’t happen all at once. It happens in the small compromises, the ignored red flags, the justifications we make when someone isn’t showing up the way we need them to. It happens when we tell ourselves “at least he’s here” instead of “is this what I truly want?”

If you’ve ever felt stuck in a cycle of waiting, hoping, and trying to prove your worth to someone who only gives you just enough to stay, you’re not alone. But staying in that cycle won’t bring you the love you deserve—choosing yourself will.

It’s true that many spiritual women find themselves waiting to be chosen, hoping that if they’re patient, understanding, or “low maintenance” enough, someone will finally claim them. But that’s not love—that’s settling. However, if we can learn to stop seeking validation from inconsistent partners and start prioritizing our own needs, we can break free from one-sided relationships and attract the love we truly deserve. When we choose ourselves first instead of waiting to be picked, it is entirely possible to experience relationships that feel secure, fulfilling, and deeply aligned.

Keep reading to discover the 3 mindset shifts that will help you stop settling and start attracting high-value love today.

THE COST OF SETTLING: HOW WAITING TO BE CHOSEN KEEPS YOU STUCK IN UNFULFILLING RELATIONSHIPS

The biggest downside of not overcoming your problem of settling is wasting time on unfulfilling relationships. You keep waiting, hoping that if you’re patient enough, understanding enough, or low-maintenance enough, they’ll finally see your worth and step up. But deep down, you know—you’re just waiting instead of deciding for yourself. And while you wait, you’re pouring your energy into someone who doesn’t fully see or value you, while the love you actually deserve passes you by.

You end up stuck in cycles of bare-minimum effort, one-sided emotional investment, and constant second-guessing. You make excuses for why things aren’t progressing, why you don’t feel secure, and why you’re still holding on—when the reality is, this relationship was never truly meeting your needs to begin with. Over time, this drains your confidence, leaving you feeling unseen, unfulfilled, and disconnected from yourself.

And the longer you stay in these relationships, the harder it becomes to walk away. The more you settle, the more you reinforce the belief that this is all you’ll ever get. But the truth? Love isn’t something you wait for. It’s something you align with when you finally choose yourself first.

CHOOSING YOURSELF FIRST: HOW TO ATTRACT THE FULFILLING LOVE YOU DESERVE

Although you struggle with seeking validation from emotionally unavailable partners you have the potential to attract the fulfilling love you desire. When you finally choose yourself first, everything shifts. You stop waiting for someone else to see your worth and start recognizing it within yourself. You no longer feel anxious, overanalyzing every little thing they do or don’t do, because you’re no longer seeking love in places that make you question yourself.

Instead, you attract partners who show up fully, who don’t make you guess where you stand, and who meet your energy with the same effort and intention. Love stops feeling like a test or a chase—it starts feeling secure, peaceful, and deeply aligned. And the best part? You no longer accept the bare minimum, because you know you deserve so much more.

When you commit to choosing yourself first, you no longer have to settle for potential—you align with love that is real, present, and ready to meet you where you are.

3 POWERFUL SHIFTS TO STOP SETTLING AND ATTRACT THE LOVE YOU DESERVE

The key to attracting the love you deserve is to stop holding on to the connections that aren’t aligned. Before, you were stuck waiting—hoping that if you were patient enough, they would finally see your worth. You spent energy proving yourself, making excuses for their inconsistency, and settling for less than what you truly wanted.

But when you choose yourself first, everything changes. You stop chasing potential and start attracting real, reciprocal love. You feel confident in your standards, no longer afraid that walking away means missing out. Instead of feeling anxious and unseen, you feel empowered, valued, and at peace—because the right love won’t make you question your worth.

Take a look at these 3 powerful shifts to see how you can attract the love that you deserve.

Waiting to Be Chosen Instead of Choosing Yourself

It makes complete sense that you're feeling exhausted from overextending yourself just to keep connections going. You’re constantly putting in the effort, making yourself available, and hoping that one day they’ll finally see your worth and commit. But deep down, you know—love isn’t supposed to feel like a waiting game. When you prioritize being chosen over choosing yourself, you end up holding onto connections that drain you, make you question your value, and leave you feeling unfulfilled.

You’re settling, not because you aren’t worthy of more, but because you’ve been conditioned to believe that love is something you earn instead of something you align with. 

The solution: Recognize that you already have more options that you think

Try recognizing that you have WAY more options than the bottom-of-the-barrel connection you’ve been holding on to. You are the prize. The problem isn’t that you don’t have options—it’s that you’ve been entertaining the wrong ones for too long. When you finally shift your energy away from trying to "win" someone over and instead focus on your own value, you realize that you’ve been settling for breadcrumbs when you could have the whole damn feast.

Start asking yourself: If I truly believed in my worth, would I still be accepting this? When you stop waiting for someone else to choose you and start choosing yourself, the energy shifts. You naturally start attracting partners who are ready, willing, and excited to meet you at your level. Love becomes something that adds to your life, not something that keeps you in a cycle of proving yourself.

Making Excuses for Bare-Minimum Effort

One of the reasons you struggle with fear of walking away is because you don’t know if you’ll be able to replace them. You tell yourself, “At least they text me sometimes,” or “They’re just not great at expressing emotions.” You convince yourself that it’s better to have something rather than nothing at all. And so, you settle—holding onto a connection that barely meets your needs, all because the idea of starting over feels overwhelming. 

The solution: Be honest with yourself

Walking away doesn’t have to be terrifying, and choosing yourself doesn’t have to feel like a risk. The first step is being honest with yourself. That means acknowledging what’s actually happening—not what you wish would happen.

Inside InnerGlow Growth, I guide members through this process in a way that doesn’t feel too big or scary—because sometimes, the hardest part isn’t leaving, it’s admitting that you deserve more in the first place. Together, we work through the fear, the doubts, and the uncertainty so that you can finally stop settling for barely enough and start attracting the kind of love that shows up fully and consistently—without excuses.

Losing Yourself in the Process

It makes complete sense that you’re feeling exhausted, resentful, and emotionally drained from this connection. You’ve been bending, adjusting, and making space for their needs while slowly shrinking your own desires in the process. Maybe you’ve stopped prioritizing the things that once made you happy, let go of hobbies that lit you up, or put your goals on hold to accommodate someone who wouldn’t do the same for you. And over time, you start to feel disconnected from yourself—like you’ve poured so much into them that there’s nothing left for you. 

The solution: Keep doing what you love

The fastest way to reclaim your energy and sense of self? Keep doing what you love—before, during, and after any relationship. Because real love doesn’t ask you to shrink, abandon, or put yourself on hold. It asks you to bring your whole self into the connection.

When you continue to prioritize your own joy, passions, and personal growth, you create a life where you feel whole with or without a relationship. That means you stop relying on someone else to be your source of happiness, confidence, or fulfillment. And when you show up in love from that place? You naturally attract partners who respect, appreciate, and uplift the full version of you.

Choosing yourself first can be the most freeing and empowering decision you ever make. No more waiting to be picked, no more accepting bare-minimum effort, no more losing yourself just to keep a connection alive. When you start prioritizing your needs, your standards, and your happiness, love stops feeling like something you have to chase—it becomes something that naturally aligns with you.

You absolutely can break free from settling and start attracting love that feels secure, fulfilling, and deeply reciprocal.

And in InnerGlow Growth, I’ll guide you every step of the way to shift your energy, rebuild your confidence, and step fully into the love you actually deserve.

Join Attract the Right Love: A 3-Day Challenge today to stop settling and start choosing yourself first! Spots are limited—sign up now!