BREAKING THE OVERGIVING CYCLE: HOW TO ATTRACT LOVE WITHOUT LOSING YOURSELF

When we try to earn love through overgiving, we burn ourselves out because we fall out of alignment with our true desires. We give and give, hoping that if we just love harder, prove our worth, or meet every need, we’ll finally receive the love and security we crave. But instead of feeling appreciated, we feel drained—resentful even—because deep down, we know we’re pouring into others at the expense of ourselves. Love isn’t supposed to feel like emotional exhaustion. True love doesn’t require you to abandon yourself—it thrives when you show up as your whole self, without overextending just to be worthy of it.

Not only does living according to this cycle of overgiving affect us in extreme ways, we start to lose ourselves in the process. You bend, you accommodate, you anticipate their needs before they even ask—thinking that if you just love enough, they’ll finally see your worth and give you the love you deserve. But instead of feeling cherished, you feel drained. Instead of feeling secure, you feel anxious—wondering why the more you give, the less you seem to receive in return.

I get it. It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that love is something you have to earn. Maybe you’ve been conditioned to think that being selfless in relationships is what makes you worthy, or that if you stop giving so much, the connection will fall apart. But here’s the truth: real love doesn’t come from self-sacrifice—it comes from balance. And you don’t have to keep overextending yourself just to be valued.

At the time, it might have felt like the right thing to do—giving everything you had to keep the relationship alive. You poured into him emotionally, making sure his needs were met before he even had to ask. You supported him financially when he was struggling, hoping he’d see how much you cared. You gave yourself physically, believing that intimacy would strengthen the bond. And each time he pulled away, you gave even more—thinking that if you just loved harder, sacrificed a little more, he would finally realize your worth.

But no matter how much you gave, it was never enough. He still ignored you, dismissed your feelings, and worst of all—he cheated. And that was the moment it hit you: you were in a relationship where your love was currency, and no matter how much you invested, the return was nothing but exhaustion and heartbreak.

You felt drained, questioning why love felt so one-sided. Was this just how love worked? Was this all you could expect? It felt like you were giving up on love entirely, because if loving this hard still wasn’t enough, what was the point?

But then, something shifted. Instead of giving more to him, you started giving to yourself. You set boundaries. You stopped accommodating his every need. You chose yourself first, and in doing so, you realized—love was never supposed to require you to abandon yourself. And when he finally became your ex, you didn’t feel empty. You felt free.

Eventually, you wind up in a place where you just get tired of being a doormate in love. You’ve given and given, hoping that one day it’ll be enough to make them appreciate you. You tell yourself that love requires sacrifice, that being a good partner means being understanding, patient, and willing to hold everything together. But over time, it starts to feel less like love and more like emotional exhaustion—like you’re carrying the entire relationship on your back while your needs go completely unnoticed.

And the hardest part is that you don’t even recognize yourself anymore. You used to have boundaries, things you swore you’d never tolerate, dreams and desires that had nothing to do with another person. But now, all of that has faded into the background. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. So many women get stuck in this cycle, believing that if they just give a little more, things will change. But love isn’t something you earn by overextending yourself—it’s something that thrives when you honor yourself first.

It’s true that constantly overgiving in relationships leaves you feeling drained, unappreciated, and stuck in a cycle of one-sided love. However, if we can learn to set boundaries, prioritize our own needs, and stop proving our worth through self-sacrifice, we can attract love that feels mutual, secure, and fulfilling instead of exhausting. When we shift from overextending to valuing ourselves first, it is entirely possible to experience relationships where we feel deeply seen, supported, and loved without losing ourselves in the process.

Keep reading to learn how to break free from overgiving and start attracting the kind of love that truly honors you.

THE COST OF OVERGIVING: WHY YOU KEEP ATTRACTING PARTNERS WHO TAKE MORE THAN THEY GIVE

At the very least, you find yourself getting with partners who are selfish. They take and take—your time, your energy, your love—without ever giving back in a meaningful way. You’re always the one making the effort, checking in first, bending your own needs just to keep the relationship going. And at first, you tell yourself it’s fine. This is just how love works, right?

But over time, the exhaustion sets in. You start to feel unseen, unappreciated, and completely drained—like no matter how much you give, it’s never enough to make them stay, commit, or show up the way you need. You begin questioning if you’re too much for wanting effort in return, or worse, if you’re just not enough to inspire them to treat you better.

And the hardest part about this? The more you overgive, the harder it becomes to walk away. You tell yourself you’ve already invested too much. You cling to potential instead of reality, hoping that one day they’ll wake up and appreciate you.

ATTRACTING RECIPROCATED LOVE: HOW CHOOSING YOURSELF CHANGES RELATIONSHIPS

When we choose ourselves first, there is a possibility of attracting love that reciprocates. Instead of bending over backward to prove your worth, you attract partners who meet you halfway—emotionally, mentally, and energetically. You stop feeling like love is a game of chasing, convincing, or overextending. Instead, it becomes something that flows—a connection built on mutual effort, respect, and deep appreciation.

You no longer feel drained by relationships. You feel secure, valued, and at peace knowing that the love you receive isn’t dependent on how much you give, but simply on who you are. And the best part? You trust yourself more. You set boundaries without fear, you walk away from situations that don’t align, and you no longer settle for anything that requires you to lose yourself in the process.

HOW TO ATTRACT RECIPROCATED LOVE WITHOUT OVERGIVING

Making these changes is not as difficult as you think because all you have to do is make small shifts toward change. Before, love felt exhausting—like no matter how much you gave, it was never quite enough to make someone stay, commit, or show up the way you needed. You were constantly overextending, settling for one-sided connections, and feeling drained from always being the one to hold the relationship together.

But once you start choosing yourself first, everything shifts. You no longer chase love—you attract it. You set boundaries without guilt, prioritize your own happiness, and stop accepting bare-minimum effort. Love becomes something that adds to your life, not something that drains you. You finally feel secure, valued, and at peace, knowing that the right person will meet you at your level—without you having to prove your worth.

Take a look at these next steps to see how you can attract love without losing yourself.

Shift from Overgiving to Balanced, Reciprocated Love

It makes complete sense that you're feeling lost and confused about who you are and your love life. When you’ve spent so much time pouring into others at the expense of yourself, it’s hard to know where to even begin. But the good news is that breaking the overgiving cycle isn’t about changing who you are—it’s about making small, intentional shifts that allow you to attract the love you truly deserve.

Step #1: Recognize When You’re Overgiving

The first step to shifting out of this cycle is awareness. Ask yourself: Am I giving because I want to? Or am I giving because I hope it will make them stay, love me more, or finally commit? Overgiving often comes from a fear of not being enough on your own. But the truth is, real love doesn’t require you to prove your worth—it requires you to believe in it yourself.

Step #2: Start Prioritizing Yourself

Together, with the members of InnerGlow Growth, I help women recognize where they’re abandoning themselves in relationships and guide them through reconnecting with their own needs, desires, and boundaries. When you start pouring into yourself first, you realize that your happiness doesn’t have to depend on someone else’s approval.

Step #3: Learn to Receive Instead of Just Giving

When you do this, you’ll notice a major shift—relationships stop feeling so exhausting. You’ll attract partners who show up willingly, without you having to overextend just to keep things going. You’ll feel more at peace, more confident, and more in tune with what actually fulfills you in love.

Step #4: Start off Small

If saying "no" or pulling back feels overwhelming, start small. Try this instead: pause before automatically saying yes. Ask yourself, Am I doing this because I want to, or because I feel like I have to? When you start setting boundaries—even in little ways—you’ll feel an instant shift in how you show up for yourself.

Breaking free from the overgiving cycle can feel like a huge weight lifted off your shoulders.

You absolutely can attract love that feels balanced, mutual, and deeply fulfilling—without losing yourself in the process.

And inside InnerGlow Growth, we guide you step by step to shift from overgiving to receiving the kind of love that actually aligns with your worth.

Join the membership today to break the cycle of overgiving and start attracting love that truly meets you at your level! Spots are limited—sign up now!